I pause before answering her because, although the answer is yes, it’s complicated.
It’s a “yes,” that took its sweet time in arriving; my anger didn’t magically dissipate one night. Forgiveness happened in tandem with me committing to building a new life for myself. In truth, anger and I were like a set of strangers learning to dance Salsa or Tango together. Anger was the lead, forceful and tactless. The “me” craving a new beginning was timid, awkward. Forgiveness, the trying set of dance steps to be learned. Anger motivated me to thrive and reach beyond my comfort zone as I assembled a new life. As I grew more confident in my ability to navigate the world solo, I found anger a wearisome partner.
I leaned into forgiveness as a way to release the pain and let go of the past. In doing so, I found I moved more easily, my footsteps light and quick, easily following the beat. Joy became my dance partner, swooping in; her touch light and firm as she lead me through a series of crucial turns and the final dip and swale of a bow.
Even now, years later, at any moment, I could choose to fan the flames of anger or crawl through the muck of regret. Forgiveness continues to give me the spaciousness to let the past go; to be fully present in the beauty of this moment. To say I’ve forgiven him is to acknowledge the work I’ve done in sorting through the wreckage. I said good-bye to certain hopes and dreams. I carefully assessed my responsibility; being honest about my failings was humbling. I’ve chosen the most compassionate view of myself and him as possible. For me, it was the only way forward. And, absolutely, there are still moments where I carefully, take myself through the steps again. If I want joy as my dance partner, I need to stay light and practiced on my feet.
I look at my client, sitting across from me, mother-earth, goddess-like, with her hair flowing. She reminds me of a firmly rooted oak tree, graceful limbs stretching out to the sky, to the horizon. Every day she takes the powerful steps towards assembling a new life. It takes time. I know, when she tires of anger as her dance partner, she will find solace in forgiveness. And, then joy will step forward.
So, how about you?
Are you dancing with anger? What is that like for you?
Where do you need to lean into forgiveness as a way forward?
*Question used with client’s permission, it was the springboard for these thoughts.
If you would like to explore your own answer to the above questions, then I would be happy to be your thought-partner.
Let’s boost your sense of contentment and satisfaction with a FREE coaching session.
Give yourself the gift of space and time to reflect. You can, of course, do this on your own some rainy afternoon, sitting with your journal.
And, the reality is, we very rarely give ourselves this time and space. Contact me today, your freedom to be YOU is waiting.
And, hey! Please don’t be shy about downloading this GIFT for you, a set of resources designed to help boost your happiness and resilience!
If you enjoyed this blog – please FORWARD it to a friend who you think would like it too.